originally posted here on Bundle.com

Photo Credit: Gene Page/AMC

How to prepare for the zombie invasion during a recession

 

By far, the biggest threat facing mankind today is zombies. The contagious walking dead have the power to shake modern civilization down to its very core. Even the Centers for Disease Control has released a pamphlet describing how citizens can prepare for this inevitable apocalypse of the undead.

Of course, the true wealth of zombie preparedness information comes from the entertainment industry who has fulfilled their civic duty by releasing a bevy of films, books, and TV shows informing the citizenry on how best to survive the hordes of the mobile and murderous deceased.

As part of Bundle’s duty on helping you spend well throughout all of life’s endeavors, it is only natural that we would also want help you prepare for the coming onslaught of brain-hungry corpses.

And while there is no price too high to pay for the survival of yourself and humanity, there is still a recession out there. In the very unlikely chance that the zombie pandemic doesn’t occur, you are going to want to have some funds left over for a rainy day.

 

1. Weapons

There is a misconception among the public that we should clear up right now. Many think that you must remove the head of a zombie in order to kill it. Not true! You must merely damage the brain so that even the remaining primal sectors fueling the zombie urges for human flesh will no longer function.

Basically, we’re talking about blunt force trauma. Of course, there are many free objects that will handle this fine—anything solid, dense, and heavy will do. But to be on the safe side, you will want something that will allow some distance between you and your life-challenged tormentors.

In this case, the best option would a gun or firearm. According to gunbroker.com, you can pick-up a working machine gun for $1,500, but prices go on up to five-figures for the more deluxe models. But, as zombies are slow and lumbering, a lower range automatic weapon will likely suffice.

Machine gun a little too expensive? You could also pick-up a quality crossbow starting at only $250. Crossbows have the added benefit of having re-usable ammo. Once the head is punctured, just remove the bow, wipe off the zombie goo, re-load and you’re good to go. Start practicing at one of these archery ranges near you

But without a gun, you can still pick-up a number of shorter distance weapons such as an aluminum bat, which you can pick up for $175, or a wooden bat (less desirable, but will get the job done) for only $50. Bam, boom, done.

 

2. Communications

The Internet will be a wonderful way to track the spread of the ghoulish plague in its early days. However, as society collapses inwards upon itself, the infrastructure that supports the distance telecommunications that we take for granted will begin to fail. But it is imperative to keep in touch with other pockets of the living!

Amateur or “Ham” radio broadcasting technology is infrastructure independent. According to the FCC, a licensing test will only cost you $4. You can go to an outlet like hamradio.com and pick up a professional-grade set for between $1,000 and $2,000.

Another option is professional-grade walkie-talkies and two way radios. You can pick up a pair of walkie-talkies with a 27-mile radius for only $70. Though, as your group spreads out, you may want to invest in a few.

 

3. Food

As you may expect, human food will become scarce amidst the unliving swarms. It’s best to start stockpiling with non-perishables and water now. Even as the apocalypse unfolds, there will likely be a run on these types of food, so you don’t want to be stuck in the rush. 15 top picks for grocery stores and supermarkets near you.

You can actually purchase a year’s supply of FEMA-authenticated food packs that will feed a family of four for only a little over $2k. That even includes the cookbook The New Cooking with Home Storage.

You could buy bottles of filtered water in bulk, but a Lifesaver water filtration system will allow humans to drink any kind of water, no matter how contaminated: untreated well water, urine, puddles. It’s all good. You can buy one online starting at $159.

 

4. Power Source

As society falls apart, so will “the grid.” You will be in need of a generator to sustain your electronic life. These can start as low as $700, but as these gas- and diesel-powered behemoths power our new post-societal world, you might want to buy the deluxe models which run up to $3,000, ore even as high as $10k for a battery-based system that can run for a week on a charge (once charged from a separate source) and carried around for reconnaissance salvos and the like.

For smaller charging capabilities, you can also pick up a number basic solar panels for around $300 that will keep all the little remnants of your electric life running.

 

5. Safehouse

You will, of course, need somewhere secure to live, sleep, and store yourself and your stuff. Remote is best—less undead to deal with. But not so remote that you are not able to make a quick run into town to rummage for necessary supplies.

A good pick might be waterfront property, as you will only have to defend from three sides, instead of all around. Of course, these properties tend to be among the most expensive—undoubtedly from all the people preparing their own zombie strongholds. BUT, there are still deals to be had. For example, we recently profiled

Remember, zombies can’t swim. Because they’re zombies.

 

6. Dogs

In the movie I Am Legend, Will Smith’s dog almost turns into a zombie dog before he has to put her down. But, THIS IS JUST A MOVIE. Everybody knows that dogs can’t be zombies.

That’s why it’s good to keep a few of Man’s Best Friend around to help defend your life and property. The good thing is, there’s plenty of dogs out there in need of a good home. Translation: they’re FREE.

But they still have needs that only you can provide. According to the ASPCA the cost for a large dog will run you about, $1,843 for the first year. Not so expensive. But one of the side benefits of society collapsing is that you won’t have to worry about spaying and neutering, leashes, or training classes. All this will take the price of dog companionship down considerably.

 

7. Rebuilding Civilization

This is difficult to put an exact price on. But eventually, the zombie hordes will die of starvation as the surviving elements of Mankind hole-up in solitude. And once again, in time, the Earth will return to the living. How much will be left after all is said and done? It’s difficult to say. But we will we MUST re-start civilization. And how will we achieve this?

Through Wikipedia.

We can only pray that the digital version of Wikipedia—the collected knowledge of our species with a special emphasis on anime characters—will remain safe, stored in disparate servers around the globe, having not been chewed on by our reanimated brethren. But we can’t take that chance. Civilization is too important. We’ll need a back-up plan.

According to this Wikipedia article, a full version of the English version of the site as of March 14th of 2010—all 2.8 million pages—could be printed out into an 8,750 volume set of encyclopedia for the (non-binded) price of $175,000.

This may sound expensive. And it is. But can we afford not to pick-up exactly where we left off? Any future that does not have detailed analysis on the life and careers of Nicky Minaj, Tom Green, and Scrappy Doo is no future worth taking back from the undead.