Posts tagged Stupitter

famous tweets.

One of my adorably trollish tweets made its way on to an episode of The Young Turks YouTube Show covering Verizon’s ridiculous ask-a-FiOs-customer ads that were destined to fail. They mention me around the 2:40 mark, if you’re impatient.

Like all things on the internet, it looks like this was originally born on BuzzFeed.

corey booker, twilight fan

I’m a big fan of Newark, NJ mayor Corey Booker. Aside from being a ca$h magnet for his city, he’s an inspiring speaker; a passionate leader; a fierce TV pundit; and now, an internet-branded hero!

But there’s two other things you should know about mayor Booker: 1) the man is a Twitter addict. The dude is always on the Twitter. And he actively engages with his followers—and not just citizens of Newark in need of city serviceseveryone. Yup, even slightly trollish members of the internet such as myself. Which brings us to the number two thing you need to know about Corey Booker: the man is a Twilight superfan!

Sorta.

Here’s a direct message I got from Corey Booker nearly three years ago (this is absolutely real, BTW):

Corey Booker loves Twilight

Now, when he’s saying “Blue Moon,” he is actually referring the second film in the Twilight series: New Moon. I know this because this DM was sent in reaction to a public tweet I sent him (my exact tweet has disappeared, having evaporated into the tweether). But if memory serves, I asked him something along the lines of “Hey @coreybooker what is the best pizza in Newark and also what did you think of New Moon?”

That’s just something I do sometimes. I don’t know why.

I wasn’t expecting a response to my adorable trollism, but lo and there it is, the very next day I received a response! (I admit, I do get excited when celebrities tweet me back, even if it is to politely tell me to fuck off). While he neglected to tell me about the pizza, he did tell me that he had heard—correctly— about the horribleness of the vapid teen vampire sequel.

Perhaps Corey Booker is not really a Twilight fan. Perhaps due to the content of my tweet he thought he was reaching out to a small child or someone with special needs—thus why he also sent it through a DM as opposed to a public tweet. But I think it’s cool that he takes the time to communicate with the folks.

Corey, if you’re reading this, did you think The Hunger Games movie cut too much out of the third act in the arena? I did.

jake tapper has a sense of humor.

Jake Tapper is the professional handsome person that ABC News hires to hold a cell phone at press conferences so the producers can tell him what questions to ask. Well, Tapper and I had some mad beef a while back. It had to do with Jake not liking a little twitter prank of mine, eventually resulting in him laying down the twitter banhammer!

Bla-DOW!

Well, those dark days have finally abated! The ban has been lifted, and as far as I’m concerned the beef is officially squashed.

Jake Tapper, you’re okay in my book.

Hero.

jake tapper is very sensitive.

jack tapper is very sensitive

For fun, sometimes on the Twitter I make celebrities say silly things via (obviously sarcastic) fake re-tweets. Some find it endearing. But most simply ignore it, finding no real malice in my adorable pranklettes. Good for them. These are people who are comfortable with their online personas.

ABC White House correspondent Jake Tapper is not one of these people.

Going on two years, Mr. T still blocks me on twitter. I can’t even track down what I made him fake say. But it couldn’t have been anything all that bad–that’s just not how I do.

I can only suppose that Jake Tapper is very sensitive soul. One who silently weeps on the inside when people cast even the smallest pebble at his mighty castle of reputation. A fortress which he has constructed to defend the scared little child who hides within its confines.

Jake Tapper is the Morrissey of national media figures.

One day, I hope he will find it in his heart to forgive me for my subtle digital barbs. I hope that I too will be allowed to follow his online stream of text farts. But until that day, I’ll have to just assume he’s saying things like: “[RT @jaketapper:] My shoelace is untied, but I think I have a rip on the crotch of my pants, so I’m afraid to bend over to re-tie them.

Something like that.

[UPDATE] My longstanding beef with Jake Tapper has officially been squashed.

these people are similar to me.

Twitter. Vanquisher of grammar, enabler of Bieberism.

The site recently sent shock waves (yes, shockwaves!) when they unveiled #newtwitter. Personally, I love this here second coming of Twitter. If I could kiss a web site, I would kiss this new media-enabled, multi-plane social network. Fan-tastic!

But there does seem to be one lazy, tacked-on feature of 2.0: the “similar to” function. When looking at a tweeter’s profile, the site will recommend similar users you may want to follow. As far as I can tell, the “similar to” algorithm is little more than a random dice roll of who that person is following.

For the first time I saw who Twitter thought I was similar to. They are all people I follow for various reason.  But they are also individuals and twitter streams that seem to have little, if anything, in common with my steady parade of adorable wittisms and celebrity harassing. Apparently if you enjoy my brand of tweets, you’d also like those of:

  • professional puritan, Kansas Senator (now Governor) Sam Brownback. He mostly tweets about what it’s going to be like when he finally falls in love. Kidding! It seems to be mostly a log of Fox News appearances.
  • or CMangis, my old editor from GearLog who I believe now works at Consumer Reports. Why not?!
  • Apparently if you like the way I put Jersey Shore Cast Members in their place, you’ll also want to follow the Schnitzeltruck–they mostly tweet about where and when they will be parking to shell out delicious, yet overpriced schnitzel.
  • And The View‘s Joy Behar. For the life of me, I don’t know why I’m following her. I didn’t even really know I was. You ever have that happen? Her stream seems to be mostly some intern posting who the guest will be on Joy’s horrible Headline News Channel show.

So there you go. If you like me, you’ll love all that stuff too.

Thanks lazy twitter!

billy corgan sucks at everything.

I’ve often expressed my frustrations with the emotional short bus that is Billy Corgan. Billy Corgan was the lead singer for a band that withered their way into the hearts of 1990s teenage suburbia. But by the end of the decade, it was nearly universally agreed upon that Billy Corgan was a stupid, self-involved little man who, as a nation, we would set aside as an unfortunate cultural relic of that wacky decade. An what a wacky decade it was! After half a century, we suddenly didn’t have vodka-flavored nuclear obliteration to worry about. So, we spent the decade having debates about the President’s splooge on AOL message boards. On Thursday nights we would all huddle together to laugh at a program about a group of unemployed 20-somethings on Manhattan’s Upper West Side—and it had a MONKEY! (At least it did until it bit the guy with the nose and gave him monkey AIDS.) And yes, some of us even listened to—and seriously contemplated—the music of The Smashing Pumpkins. We were just all crazy in the head back then! So we can forgive ourselves for setting a place at the cultural table for Billy Corgan. We just didn’t know what the fuck we were doing.

Now, usually when society has realized it’s made an error, we allow our cultural mistakes to slowly evaporate away. Like a fart. But with Twitter, any cultural personality, no matter how obscure or unimportant can linger on. And Billy Corgan is one of those lingerers.

Lately, it seems that Billy has turned to God. But not in the hip Moby way, or even in the scary Kirk Cameron vein. Billy has apparently learned everything he knows about his faith from Hallmark greeting cards. And he has decided to use the venue of his Twitter account to spread his lazy saccharine gospel of corny gabbida gook.

No! And it would be slightly less retarded if it wasn’t derivative of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Hear that, gangstas! Billy Corgan doesn’t think you own your fucking beach rock.  And he ended it with an ellipsis so it will be more poignant…

Just like Stand and Deliver.

Awww, isn’t that something… or wait, no, actually that is nothing.

I think Billy is trying to say that God is beautiful. Does that mean a person who is beautiful on the inside loses the ability to see anything ugly. Like if Mother Teresa saw a child getting raped and killed she’d be all like “Oh, Fantastic raping, boys!” Or, maybe Billy trying to convey how beautiful all of humanity is. Well, isn’t that nice. ALL of humanity is beautiful! Like that kid who was going around a Miami suburb killing cats a few months back. According to Billy Corgan, that was beautiful. I respectfully disagree, Billy Corgan. I think murdering cats is wrong. But maybe that’s just where you and I disagree…