Posts tagged Billy Corgan

billy corgan sucks at everything.

I’ve often expressed my frustrations with the emotional short bus that is Billy Corgan. Billy Corgan was the lead singer for a band that withered their way into the hearts of 1990s teenage suburbia. But by the end of the decade, it was nearly universally agreed upon that Billy Corgan was a stupid, self-involved little man who, as a nation, we would set aside as an unfortunate cultural relic of that wacky decade. An what a wacky decade it was! After half a century, we suddenly didn’t have vodka-flavored nuclear obliteration to worry about. So, we spent the decade having debates about the President’s splooge on AOL message boards. On Thursday nights we would all huddle together to laugh at a program about a group of unemployed 20-somethings on Manhattan’s Upper West Side—and it had a MONKEY! (At least it did until it bit the guy with the nose and gave him monkey AIDS.) And yes, some of us even listened to—and seriously contemplated—the music of The Smashing Pumpkins. We were just all crazy in the head back then! So we can forgive ourselves for setting a place at the cultural table for Billy Corgan. We just didn’t know what the fuck we were doing.

Now, usually when society has realized it’s made an error, we allow our cultural mistakes to slowly evaporate away. Like a fart. But with Twitter, any cultural personality, no matter how obscure or unimportant can linger on. And Billy Corgan is one of those lingerers.

Lately, it seems that Billy has turned to God. But not in the hip Moby way, or even in the scary Kirk Cameron vein. Billy has apparently learned everything he knows about his faith from Hallmark greeting cards. And he has decided to use the venue of his Twitter account to spread his lazy saccharine gospel of corny gabbida gook.

No! And it would be slightly less retarded if it wasn’t derivative of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Hear that, gangstas! Billy Corgan doesn’t think you own your fucking beach rock.  And he ended it with an ellipsis so it will be more poignant…

Just like Stand and Deliver.

Awww, isn’t that something… or wait, no, actually that is nothing.

I think Billy is trying to say that God is beautiful. Does that mean a person who is beautiful on the inside loses the ability to see anything ugly. Like if Mother Teresa saw a child getting raped and killed she’d be all like “Oh, Fantastic raping, boys!” Or, maybe Billy trying to convey how beautiful all of humanity is. Well, isn’t that nice. ALL of humanity is beautiful! Like that kid who was going around a Miami suburb killing cats a few months back. According to Billy Corgan, that was beautiful. I respectfully disagree, Billy Corgan. I think murdering cats is wrong. But maybe that’s just where you and I disagree…

billy corgan is horrible. just horrible

To know me is to know that I hate Smashing Pumpkins’ pedestrian front man and full-time awful human being, Billy Corgan.

He is whiny, horrible, self-important, and the product of a culture of celebrity that—in a very complicated series of events that is still being debated and documented—evolved into faux anti-celebrity sentiment.

He is an idiot. A sad little boy playing grown up. And for some reason, someone allowed him to get in front of a mic in in his mid-20s, where he went on to sell millions of albums to depressed suburban children 15 years his junior. And in the decade since (in the time between awful failed bands) he has been attempting to wrap his peanut brain around what must have been a very confusing experience.

The Pumpkins were a pubic hair width better than average ’90s rock band. But that’s apparently not how Billy sees it. Or as he puts it in a recent Rolling Stone interview:

Do I belong in the conversation about the best artists in the world? My answer is yes, I do. I’ve been too productive for too long, and despite what anybody wants to strip away from me, I am influential.

First, as someone who does celebrity interviews for a living, when the celebrity in question starts asking and answering their own questions, you have ceased interviewing, and you have started transcribing a blog post. Which is a tremendous waste of your time, especially if said celebrity already has a blog. A horrible sad little blog (not to mention the ridiculous twitter account you can hardly believe comes from a grown man in his 40s who has had the benefit of a Western education.)

Second, even if what Billy was saying was true (it’s not, of course), what kind of mega-douche actually says that? Like, out loud. You will never hear Angela Joelie say “Do I belong in the conversation about the most beautiful actresses in the world? My answer is yes. I’ve been making boners for too long, and despite what anybody wants to strip away from me, I am hot.” Did you guys have one of those posters in your high school science class with a picture of Albert Einstein sticking out his tongue with the caption “Do I belong in the conversation about physics? My answer is yes. I’ve been too good at describing the nature of the universe for too long, and despite what anybody wants to strip away from me, I’m a god damn genius.”

And influential? Nobody but 30 Seconds to Mars sounds like you today, Billy. And that’s nothing to be proud of.

You are so stupid.