jack tapper is very sensitive

For fun, sometimes on the Twitter I make celebrities say silly things via (obviously sarcastic) fake re-tweets. Some find it endearing. But most simply ignore it, finding no real malice in my adorable pranklettes. Good for them. These are people who are comfortable with their online personas.

ABC White House correspondent Jake Tapper is not one of these people.

Going on two years, Mr. T still blocks me on twitter. I can’t even track down what I made him fake say. But it couldn’t have been anything all that bad–that’s just not how I do.

I can only suppose that Jake Tapper is very sensitive soul. One who silently weeps on the inside when people cast even the smallest pebble at his mighty castle of reputation. A fortress which he has constructed to defend the scared little child who hides within its confines.

Jake Tapper is the Morrissey of national media figures.

One day, I hope he will find it in his heart to forgive me for my subtle digital barbs. I hope that I too will be allowed to follow his online stream of text farts. But until that day, I’ll have to just assume he’s saying things like: “[RT @jaketapper:] My shoelace is untied, but I think I have a rip on the crotch of my pants, so I’m afraid to bend over to re-tie them.

Something like that.

[UPDATE] My longstanding beef with Jake Tapper has officially been squashed.