hey girl, i posted some new writing just for you.

Shorty, The Pit Boss, Hercules, Evan Dashevsky

Me, Shorty, and Hercules who looks like
he would rather I wasn’t touching him.

Do you like reading stuff that I wrote? Of course you do.

Check out my recent Smoke cover story with Luigi Rossi, who you may know better as “Shorty” from Animal Planet’s Pit Boss. I met up with Shorty last summer in Las Vegas and we talked about pitbulls, prison life, and celebrity. He and his right-hand-man Hercules were good peoples.

In that same issue, you’ll find my interview with Boardwalk Empire‘s Michael Pitt who I met with back in the Fall just as Boardwalk‘s amazing second season started. I expect big things from Michael’s character in the coming season.

And as always, I’ve also got a bunch of new stuff up on DVICE.

i’m on pinterest because the internet told me i must.

Hello internetketeers!

Like everyone reading this, I am now on Pinterest, even though I’m not yet exactly sure what to do with it and also it’s for girls. Let me know if ya’ll start doing some interesting stuffs all up in there or if you have posted any cute cat photos. I LOVE cute cat photos!

That is all.

i wrote a writerly writing update about writing.

Just doing a little winter portfolio updating.

I’ve been increasing my web presence to hedge my bets in the event that vengeful tree ghosts do, in fact, exist. Thuserly, I’ve created a page for all that non-print bloggy stuff.

Here, you’ll find my latest DVICE piece that explores the sad, scary world of Mark Zuckerberg fan fiction (which Gawker deemed “fun” enough to re-blog). I also prove that The Matrix is real and ask a very important question to the global science community.

BUT WAIT, there’s a shit-ton more! I had my first piece on the sci-fi/movie/entertainment site BLASTR where I profile 17 movies so horrible even their creators say they sucked. AND I’ve also posted my latest cover story on comedian Ron White.

So, enjoy! I do it all for you. And for money.

kate beckinsale’s subway ad jihad.

Here are two NYC subway ads for the newest installation of the werewolf vs. vampire drama, Underworld.

First, I will state that the Underworld films (and I’ve seen them all) are not completely horrible—there is a kernel of a quality movie surrounded by a thick shell off poorly-lit cinematic poo. I have a soft spot for this series which wants so hard to be a respected fantasy franchise, but keeps falling short. Still, I wasn’t planning on shelling out $12 ($15 for the 3D experience) to see “Awakening,” rather I’d opt to see it in the comfort of my home when it eventually saunters on to FX next year.

HOWEVER, the movie’s edgy new ad campaign has, in the least, got my attention. Here you can see star Kate Beckinsale threatening other ads in the subway with gun violence.

Here she tells RuPaul, “You better work… at backing the fuck up! New York wants to spend their disposable entertainment dollars on ME! Bitch.”

image

Some might take offense to Kate threatening this middle-aged Metropolitan Teachers’ College rep. But I, for one, applaud its bold take-no-prisoners style.

No one is safe from Underworld Awakenings.

image

Rock on with your badself, Ms. Beckinsale.

ron paul is frank purdue.

I’m sure I can’t be the first one to notice this, but cranky ol’ Ron Paul is the doppelganger of processed chicken magnate, Frank Purdue. Check it:

 Ron PaulFrank Purdue

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you listen to them speak, they have similar homespun vocal cadences that end every statement like a question. (“You’ll just love our chickens breasts?” “We left the gold standard and our nation’s economic freedoms began to erode?”)

Frank might have a bit more pudge (the result of a steady diet of chicken fat instead of liberty), however if you squash down Ron’s nose slightly, you’d half expect him start babbling on about the Fed’s disastrous effect on the price of chicken wire. Notice even how they have the same half-y, upturn left eyebrow. I’m not crazy on this one.

And if you want to get even weirder, check out Frank’s son Jim next to Ron’s son, Rand:

Jim Purdue  Rand Paul, son of Ron Paul

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The same steely cold dead blue eyes that look like they could deflate your lungs if they glared at you in just the right way.

Just sayin’. #First.

cinemagraph art for the people.

You know what’s neat on the internets? Cinemagraphs. They’re just like animated gifs—or, they’re exactly like animated gifs—but they’re animated gifs for fancy people! Like you.

I classify cinemagraphs as a completely different species than the ubiquitous “animated gifs” that inhabit the message boards and tumblr posts of internetland. Cinemagraphs incorporate slight bits of movement into otherwise static digital images, adding a subtle stylish element.

Here’s a prime example from digi-artists Jamie Beck and Kevin Burg (proprietors of the above link):

Anyway, I’ve been trying my hand at making cinemagraphs. I’m using some complimentary software and this helpful online tutorial. I think for some first tries, they’re pretty good. My initial attempts seem to center around blinking eyeballs. In any event, I hope to have some more advanced ones in the future to help bring a little magic and class to my already sophisticated web presence.

I'm silly