But there’s two other things you should know about mayor Booker: 1) the man is a Twitter addict. The dude is always on the Twitter. And he actively engages with his followers—and not just citizens of Newark in need of city services—everyone. Yup, even slightly trollish members of the internet such as myself. Which brings us to the number two thing you need to know about Corey Booker: the man is a Twilight superfan!

Sorta.

Here’s a direct message I got from Corey Booker nearly three years ago (this is absolutely real, BTW):

Now, when he’s saying “Blue Moon,” he is actually referring the second film in the Twilight series: New Moon. I know this because this DM was sent in reaction to a public tweet I sent him (my exact tweet has disappeared, having evaporated into the tweether). But if memory serves, I asked him something along the lines of “Hey @coreybooker what is the best pizza in Newark and also what did you think of New Moon?”

That’s just something I do sometimes. I don’t know why.

I wasn’t expecting a response to my adorable trollism, but lo and there it is, the very next day I received a response! (I admit, I do get excited when celebrities tweet me back, even if it is to politely tell me to fuck off). While he neglected to tell me about the pizza, he did tell me that he had heard—correctly— about the horribleness of the vapid teen vampire sequel.

Perhaps Corey Booker is not really a Twilight fan. Perhaps due to the content of my tweet he thought he was reaching out to a small child or someone with special needs—thus why he also sent it through a DM as opposed to a public tweet. But I think it’s cool that he takes the time to communicate with the folks.

Corey, if you’re reading this, did you think The Hunger Games movie cut too much out of the third act in the arena? I did.

Because I am a lemming, I am on Instagram. Follow me @haldash.

Me, Shorty, and Hercules who looks like
he would rather I wasn’t touching him.

Do you like reading stuff that I wrote? Of course you do.

Check out my recent Smoke cover story with Luigi Rossi, who you may know better as “Shorty” from Animal Planet’s Pit Boss. I met up with Shorty last summer in Las Vegas and we talked about pitbulls, prison life, and celebrity. He and his right-hand-man Hercules were good peoples.

In that same issue, you’ll find my interview with Boardwalk Empire‘s Michael Pitt who I met with back in the Fall just as Boardwalk‘s amazing second season started. I expect big things from Michael’s character in the coming season.

And as always, I’ve also got a bunch of new stuff up on DVICE.

Like everyone reading this, I am now on Pinterest, even though I’m not yet exactly sure what to do with it and also it’s for girls. Let me know if ya’ll start doing some interesting stuffs all up in there or if you have posted any cute cat photos. I LOVE cute cat photos!

That is all.

Just doing a little winter portfolio updating.

I’ve been increasing my web presence to hedge my bets in the event that vengeful tree ghosts do, in fact, exist. Thuserly, I’ve created a page for all that non-print bloggy stuff.

Here, you’ll find my latest DVICE piece that explores the sad, scary world of Mark Zuckerberg fan fiction (which Gawker deemed “fun” enough to re-blog). I also prove that The Matrix is real and ask a very important question to the global science community.

BUT WAIT, there’s a shit-ton more! I had my first piece on the sci-fi/movie/entertainment site BLASTR where I profile 17 movies so horrible even their creators say they sucked. AND I’ve also posted my latest cover story on comedian Ron White.

So, enjoy! I do it all for you. And for money.

First, I will state that the Underworld films (and I’ve seen them all) are not completely horrible—there is a kernel of a quality movie surrounded by a thick shell off poorly-lit cinematic poo. I have a soft spot for this series which wants so hard to be a respected fantasy franchise, but keeps falling short. Still, I wasn’t planning on shelling out $12 ($15 for the 3D experience) to see “Awakening,” rather I’d opt to see it in the comfort of my home when it eventually saunters on to FX next year.

HOWEVER, the movie’s edgy new ad campaign has, in the least, got my attention. Here you can see star Kate Beckinsale threatening other ads in the subway with gun violence.

Here she tells RuPaul, “You better work… at backing the fuck up! New York wants to spend their disposable entertainment dollars on ME! Bitch.”

Some might take offense to Kate threatening this middle-aged Metropolitan Teachers’ College rep. But I, for one, applaud its bold take-no-prisoners style.

No one is safe from Underworld Awakenings.

Rock on with your badself, Ms. Beckinsale.

If you listen to them speak, they have similar homespun vocal cadences that end every statement like a question. (“You’ll just love our chickens breasts?” “We left the gold standard and our nation’s economic freedoms began to erode?”)

Frank might have a bit more pudge (the result of a steady diet of chicken fat instead of liberty), however if you squash down Ron’s nose slightly, you’d half expect him start babbling on about the Fed’s disastrous effect on the price of chicken wire. Notice even how they have the same half-y, upturn left eyebrow. I’m not crazy on this one.

And if you want to get even weirder, check out Frank’s son Jim next to Ron’s son, Rand:

The same steely cold dead blue eyes that look like they could deflate your lungs if they glared at you in just the right way.

Just sayin’. #First.

I classify cinemagraphs as a completely different species than the ubiquitous “animated gifs” that inhabit the message boards and tumblr posts of internetland. Cinemagraphs incorporate slight bits of movement into otherwise static digital images, adding a subtle stylish element.

Here’s a prime example from digi-artists Jamie Beck and Kevin Burg (proprietors of the above link):

Anyway, I’ve been trying my hand at making cinemagraphs. I’m using some complimentary software and this helpful online tutorial. I think for some first tries, they’re pretty good. My initial attempts seem to center around blinking eyeballs. In any event, I hope to have some more advanced ones in the future to help bring a little magic and class to my already sophisticated web presence.

The shop is searching for a local bard-in-need to pen a “human interest story.” Specifically a short vignette surrounding a certain aspect of their store:

We are a flower shop located in midtown Manhattan and are seeking a creative writer to compose a human interest story about our store cat. Everyone on the block/streets stops by to see him. We would like to post the article on our FB and blog in addition to other sources. We are thinking of 1/2 or 1/3 of a newspaper page.

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.

The story basically writes itself! The cat hangs out with some locals, chews on some flowers, poops in a pot. Maybe solves a mystery or two. BAM! … Look, there’s not much out there that pays right now. Just write about the cat or starve, wordface.

Bla-DOW!

Well, those dark days have finally abated! The ban has been lifted, and as far as I’m concerned the beef is officially squashed.

Jake Tapper, you’re okay in my book.

Hero.