I’ve often expressed my frustrations with the emotional short bus that is Billy Corgan. Billy Corgan was the lead singer for a band that withered their way into the hearts of 1990s teenage suburbia. But by the end of the decade, it was nearly universally agreed upon that Billy Corgan was a stupid, self-involved little man who, as a nation, we would set aside as an unfortunate cultural relic of that wacky decade. An what a wacky decade it was! After half a century, we suddenly didn’t have vodka-flavored nuclear obliteration to worry about. So, we spent the decade having debates about the President’s splooge on AOL message boards. On Thursday nights we would all huddle together to laugh at a program about a group of unemployed 20-somethings on Manhattan’s Upper West Side—and it had a MONKEY! (At least it did until it bit the guy with the nose and gave him monkey AIDS.) And yes, some of us even listened to—and seriously contemplated—the music of The Smashing Pumpkins. We were just all crazy in the head back then! So we can forgive ourselves for setting a place at the cultural table for Billy Corgan. We just didn’t know what the fuck we were doing.

Now, usually when society has realized it’s made an error, we allow our cultural mistakes to slowly evaporate away. Like a fart. But with Twitter, any cultural personality, no matter how obscure or unimportant can linger on. And Billy Corgan is one of those lingerers.

Lately, it seems that Billy has turned to God. But not in the hip Moby way, or even in the scary Kirk Cameron vein. Billy has apparently learned everything he knows about his faith from Hallmark greeting cards. And he has decided to use the venue of his Twitter account to spread his lazy saccharine gospel of corny gabbida gook.

No! And it would be slightly less retarded if it wasn’t derivative of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Hear that, gangstas! Billy Corgan doesn’t think you own your fucking beach rock.  And he ended it with an ellipsis so it will be more poignant…

Just like Stand and Deliver.

Awww, isn’t that something… or wait, no, actually that is nothing.

I think Billy is trying to say that God is beautiful. Does that mean a person who is beautiful on the inside loses the ability to see anything ugly. Like if Mother Teresa saw a child getting raped and killed she’d be all like “Oh, Fantastic raping, boys!” Or, maybe Billy trying to convey how beautiful all of humanity is. Well, isn’t that nice. ALL of humanity is beautiful! Like that kid who was going around a Miami suburb killing cats a few months back. According to Billy Corgan, that was beautiful. I respectfully disagree, Billy Corgan. I think murdering cats is wrong. But maybe that’s just where you and I disagree…